Husband.
Father.
PCA Pastor.
Slightly sarcastic.
Apt to laughter.

Guilt, Weariness, Depression

"Once upon a time, our problem was guilt: the feeling that you have made a mistake, with reference to something forbidden. This was felt as a stain on one's character. Ehrenberg suggests the dichotomy of the forbidden and the allowed has been replaced with an axis of the possible and the impossible. The question that hovers over your character is no longer that of how good you are, but of how capable you are, where capacity is measured in something like kilowatt hours—the raw capacity to make things happen. With this shift comes a new pathology. The affliction of guilt has given way to weariness—weariness with the vague and unending project of having to become one's fullest self. We call this depression."

— Matthew Crawford, The World Beyond Your Head, 165

This quote hit home recently, and it fits quite nicely with the thrust of Anti-Psalm 23. Crawford here is not denying, or even questioning, the reality of clinical depression. Rather, he is noting that as modernity has moved away from shared conceptions of the True, Good, and Beautiful, we have replaced existential guilt with experiential weariness. Our chief worry is no longer guilt, but possibility. And we are exhausted by the unending project of having to become our best and fullest self. We experience this weariness as depression.

We can never be enough. We were never meant to be.

Anti-Psalm 121

Anti-Psalm 23